Dalai Lama Foundation Study Circle Montreal

Buddhism was extremely helpful to me during the process of my sister’s lingering death two years ago. She was forty-five years old and had very few spiritual aspirations. She was actually fearful and closed to any suggestions that she might find comfort in expanding her degree of awareness and understanding. At first I was extremely upset by her attitude, but then I realized it was not for me to decide what she should or should not do with the last few months of her life. I was with her for support and comfort and not to force her to view her life in a way which was foreign and threatening to her.

Enabling a person to accomplish a sense of having lived purposefully and with significance is a major goal of caregivers and loved ones. Being able to support someone during their dying trajectory, regardless of what they are thinking or feeling is probably one of the most valuable services one person can offer to another. But, it is difficult to stay close to someone who is dying. Not trying to evade an open encounter with the intense psychic pain that usually accompanies the recognition of impending death is one of the most valuable contributions that a nurse or any other caregiver or loved one can make to the patient who wishes to discuss his or her circumstances. Facing forthrightly the situation of dying, however, requires feeling comfortable with one’s own feelings about death and the frailty of being human.

Buddhism has taught me that death need not be approached only as a tragedy; it is also an event from which a profound understanding can unfold. (p.44)

–from Buddhism through American Women’s Eyes edited by Karma Lekshe Tsomo, published by Snow Lion Publications

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